Uncovering Ayaya: Interview

NEWS: A translation of Matsuura Aya's in-depth and revealing interview with Hot Express. It is very interesting as Ayaya delves into who she is as an artist, her songs, performances and how she has grown since her debut 7 years ago. Thanks to Ronin @ H!O for the translation.

Matsuura Aya's first appearance in hotexpress! When she debuted, everything was so much fun that she couldn't help it. By the time she was 18, she was on the verge of being destroyed by the "Ayaya image" she had ended up creating herself. Swallowing the buds of her ego and her intentions of becoming an artist, she has struggled on to "Kizuna". She wants to be true to herself. Please have a look at this interview overflowing with the humaneness of this girl.

--Actually, I've been observing Matsuura Aya's wonderful power of expression ever since the time of your debut. Seeing you perform songs like "Dokidoki! LOVE mail", "Tropical Koi shiteru" etc. while fully enjoying it yourself, I thought, "She's no ordinary person...". I thought, "How can she be so full of self-confidence, even though she's a newcomer?". (lol) How did you actually feel at the time of your debut?

Matsuura Aya: I enjoyed myself! Really. However, I think I could truly enjoy it only in the two or three years following my debut. I didn't know anything yet, so I was happy just because I was having fun. But when I became older and reached the second half of my teenage years, I came to understand that every single thing I do affects so many people from the staff and that so much time gets wasted because of it. And when I understood that, I started thinking about many other things, but in the beginning it was all fun because I didn't know anything.

--You were seen as the "representative of idols" at a pretty early stage already, right? I had the feeling you were delighted about it from the bottom of your heart. I thought, "How much does she like herself?". (lol)

Matsuura Aya: I really loved myself! Ahahaha! No doubt about that. (lol) But I was surprised at the same time. I couldn't help but feel strange when I watched my PVs and saw myself on the TV screen. I couldn't calm down because I kept thinking, "I'm on TV!", but I was really, simply happy about it. The more people were supporting me, the more I got fired up.

Now, I'm able to get directly into the right mood like I'm switching it on and off, but at the time of my debut I didn't know anything like that. So, for the shooting of a promotion video, for example, I didn't go in front of the camera until I got into the 100% right mood for it. And, when I finally went in front of the camera, I wasn't happy about how the video turned out. Because of that, it used to happen often that we had to wait until I got into the right mood. But that also means that I was always 100% into it when I was on screen.

--When you got into such a situation at the age of 14 or 15, when you were extremely busy and lots of things kept moving hecticly, wasn't it difficult for you?

Matsuura Aya: It happened at least once in the first two or three years. It's been 8 years since my debut now, and it's happened about 3 times. I felt pressured, I didn't understand myself very well anymore and many other things happened, but the biggest inner conflict I had was exactly when I turned 18. I was really so busy all the time that my first break was one and a half years after my debut. And since really everything I did was new to me, I didn't have any time to look back. I didn't even have any time to watch the TV shows I took part in, because I was already working on something else. But when I turned 18 I looked back for the first time. Looked back at myself.

That's when I noticed it. I had gotten used to being called "idol" and the job wasn't easy at all, but I had become able to act like I was smiling from the bottom of my heart even if it wasn't from the bottom of my heart. My face muscles had memorized how to make the face I call "my best face" and I had become able to smile even if I didn't feel like it. And when I was looking at pictures of myself, it looked like I was making the same face in every picture. When I felt like "?" towards that kind of myself, somehow everything stopped for a moment. I ended up feeling that I was like a doll. I thought, "It's not good like this!" and, "I have to act and say things upon my own emotions!"

It's not like I had a manual for it, but I felt that I had come all that way only making proper, harmless and inoffensive comments. I thought, "But it doesn't have to be like that. It's ok to say things that are more humane." [she means saying wrong, impolite or even offensive things] That's how I've come to think, "I want to be true to myself, I want to be honest" at the age of 18. Since then, I've tried talking the way I feel like talking, even in concert MCs. I didn't know how others would react to it, but I still wanted to try speaking honestly. When I did that, the reaction of the audience was even better than usual. The staff liked it, too. That means I was the one locking myself up in a shell on my own. That's what I realized. And I could overcome it.

--You've probably come all this way trying your best to keep the "Ayaya image" that you unintentionally created at the time of your debut.

Matsuura Aya: That's right. I've always observed myself from an objective point of view. Seeing "Ayaya" from an objective point of view, I thought to myself "Ayaya has to be like this!" and formed her the way I wanted her to be. And that was wrong.

--I'm sure there were many fans who thought Ayaya would always love and continue singing songs like "Momoiro Kataomoi", "Yeah! Meccha holiday" etc. which have many factors typical of idols and entertainment. But recently, you've started releasing songs targeted at a wider audience.

Matsuura Aya: That's right. If you ask me why I've entered this world, I'd answer that it's because I wanted to sing. Normally, people who listen to music do it because of a person they admire or because they're fascinated by the lyrics. It's the same for artists, too. I always pay attention to the lyrics when I listen to music. And when you listen to "Yeah! Meccha Holiday", for example, don't you think "What the heck's that song about!?" (lol) Songs like that have a very catchy melody, but I wanted to sing songs that you can sing no matter how many years pass, even after 10, 20 years, songs that contain lyrics everyone can relate to. That's why I started singing songs like my current single, "Kizuna", and the previous one, "Egao".

--I've actually believed that you'd overcome the status of an idol and become active as the artist Matsuura Aya one day. The first time I felt that way was when I watched the movie "Ao no Honou" which was shown in 2003. I'm sure playing the role of someone whose lover turns into a murderer was difficult, but you completely engrossed yourself into that role when you were acting, right?

Matsuura Aya: The same was true for everyone around me. Director Ninagawa Yukio never gives an OK unless you're totally into the role. The scenes I appear in were filmed a lot later than the ones with Nino (Kazunari Ninomiya), but still, I entered the set beforehand and studied by observation, etc. That way, I got to know the way everything works on the set. And since it was my first movie, I thought, "I want to make it a good movie", "I want to do everything I can 100%", so I created the role in my mind on my own. The director didn't give me any directions at all. It felt like he was thinking, "I don't understand young people nowadays anyway, so I'll leave it to Ayaya and Nino. You can change the lines too, just play the roles the way you want. And teach me how kids nowadays think," and I thought that I have to properly live up to his expectations. That's why I always discussed everything with Nino. The director rarely allowed a second take, so we had to do everything right and get an OK on the first try. (lol) But I'm glad that I met Ninagawa-san through that movie.

--You've worked again as an actress several times after that. Do you feel the same kind of satisfaction as when singing?

Matsuura Aya: I do. There's a lot you learn from theater and musicals too. The way to speak, for example, and also how to put your feelings into acting. You can learn all that from observing the actors and actresses around you. There's something to learn every time.

--Also, I forgot the name of the show, but if I'm not mistaken, you performed in a NHK music show with a jazz band in back, right?

Matsuura Aya: It was Momoi-san's show!

--When I watched that show, I thought that you might have discovered the desire to explore more artistic, deeper levels of music.

Matsuura Aya: First of all, I like live sounds. It's the same with my voice and with music instruments. The pleasant feeling you get at the moment when the sounds of the instruments come together is awesome. I really love that groove and that sense of unity as if everyone was doing something together while holding hands. I got to know the fun of that in such a setting as the one in Momoi-san's show. I strongly thought "Ah, I want to become such an artist!".

--It's the same with your movies and your singing with a live band. Whenever you had the chance to do something different, something you haven't done before, you've always made use of it, right?

Matsuura Aya: That's right. I think "I always want to keep on challenging myself". I don't like creating a wall on my own by saying "This is impossible" right from the start. If you try to do it and fail, you can't help it, but I'm the type to think "Let's just try to do it first!". I like that kind of thrill. I think that a life where everyday is an exciting adventure is more suited for me than a stable one. I tend to get tired of something once I get used to it.

--"Kizuna" is your new song. After listening to this song I wanted to ask you about something. What kind of message does Matsuura Aya want to convey to the listeners through this song?

Matsuura Aya: Of course, I'm not targeting a specific generation, but I want the generation of parents, the generation of people who have children to see that "we think about a lot of things too, even though you might not expect it." The people around me who are about as old as I am are all level-headed and think about various things. We're not just playing around doing nothing. In this industry, your age doesn't matter. Even if it's two people who could be parent and child according to their age, they still talk with each other as two adults. So, I thought it would be good if the whole world was like that, too. I'm sure there are actually lots of children who have built their own opinion about many things, but can't express them because grown-ups look down on them, thinking, "It's only a child." That's what I want you to feel when listening to my songs.

Another thing I wanted to tell children though "Kizuna" is that "you are not alone". It was the same for me, but when you're 18 or 19, you feel like a tragic heroine when you're worried about something or feeling down. Like "I'm the only one who's in pain.", "Everyone else are enemies." But it's actually not like that. Whatever you do, you're always being supported by someone. We have to make ourselves aware of the fact again that "we're only alive because someone was there for us". I'd like this to be conveyed through the song.

--But you need persuasive power for that, because nothing can be conveyed if the listeners think, "How does singing about stuff like that help?" You have to overcome this hurdle.

Matsuura Aya: Yeah. I wouldn't be able to sing it if I hadn't experienced it myself. I wanted to sing this song because I thought that I understood the lyrics. Earlier, you mentioned about how I've done everything with a lot of energy at the time around my debut, but it was really like that. No matter if it was a song about love or something greater like in this one, I had no choice but to sing it with the help of my imagination. Some of the thoughts I came up with were delusions, because I didn't have any experiences myself. Now, eight years after my debut, I've gained some experience in life, even if only a little. I've come into contact with many different people, listened to them, observed them, and now I can finally sing songs as if they were my own words. I think that was a big change in the sense of "conveying something to people". When I think "Ah, I've come to understand this feeling!", "I've also experienced this!", I can properly put my feelings into the words I'm singing.

--Is it that the more you sing your new song "Kizuna" the more perfect and ideal your performance becomes?

Matsuura Aya: That's right. Every time I sing it, I feel different inside. I can't sing it exactly the same way twice. I sing the words differently depending on the day. That's why I can enjoy singing it.

--In addition to singing about the negative parts of life and the situation the world is in, you also pray for happiness and say the words of gratitude again and again. I think that's the kind of song "Kizuna" is, but do you sometimes think or feel the way like described in the lyrics of this song in everyday life too?

Matsuura Aya: After watching bad news, I think seriously about many different things. Also, it's the same when you're having a normal life too, you actually don't say "Thank you" as often as you'd think. Maybe you often don't say it to very close people either. I sometimes really wonder if I said thanks to my family recently. However, every time I sing this song it reminds me that I should say thanks. I mean, these words make me really happy when someone tells them to me, too. The song "Kizuna" really made me think about many different things.

--It's a very common question, but at what times do you strongly feel the importance of "bonds"?

Matsuura Aya: For example, the bonds between me and my family, people from the staff, and other people who are close to me can only be deepened when I talk a lot with them, or discuss something until we come to an agreement, right? And, if we assume that I can switch between on and off, there are people who know the "off" me. I know how to deepen my bonds with people like that, but my fans, if I were to put it clearly, only know the "on" me, right? Nevertheless, they all support me from the bottom of their hearts and tell me that they'll follow me no matter what happens. I think there's no stronger bond than that! As for me, I tend to be suspicious of people when I meet them for the first time. I think "What kind of person is he/she?" "What are his/her intentions?" I'm the type who doesn't trust others easily. It's because I'm very timid and I don't want to be hurt. (lol) Compared to that, my fans all support me 100% from the bottom of their hearts. I think that kind of bond is amazing. And that makes me really think, "Thank you." If someone asked me if I could do the same for someone else, I'd be in trouble.

--You can strongly feel those bonds at the "Matsuura Aya Concert Tour 2008 Spring 'AYA The Witch'" which is currently being praised highly. Can you tell us about the content of the tour?

Matsuura Aya: This time, I perform all of it with a full live band which I always wanted to do. So, the "Let's all create a groove together!" and "Let's all become one!" emotions all depend on me this time. That's why I learn a lot from this. It's a challenge too. I'm having a lot of fun. Basically, it's two performances per day, day and night, so I keep telling myself that I have to pace myself, but every time, I end up completely exhausted. You don't notice it at all when you're standing on stage, but after changing my clothes I notice how exhausted I am. My body is always honest. (lol) But when I'm asked if I can pull off the second performance, I can somehow do it. I think the calls of my fans are amazing after all. They raise the tension so high that even I can't control it anymore.

--Does that mean that you absolutely love live concerts?

Matsuura Aya: I love them! I love live concerts the most! I like musicals and stuff too, but in concerts I can stay as Matsuura Aya. I love talking too, but I can be most honest when I'm singing, even more than when I'm talking. When you're talking you keep thinking about things like, "I want to make it sound interesting," "I want to word it nicely," etc. That's why I think I can be myself the most when I'm singing, and I want many people to see my real self.

--Well then, this will be my last question. Matsuura Aya, what kind of artist do you want to become in the future?

Matsuura Aya: I've only recently become able to even think about it, but I'd really like to write my own lyrics. Once, I became impatient, thinking, "Won't it be the time for me to do it soon?" though. Was it around the time when I became 20? Just when I was worrying about that, Yuming-san asked me to be a guest in her radio show, and I consulted her about it. I asked her, "Isn't it time for me to start writing lyrics?". She replied, "It's best to write lyrics when you really feel like it. Actually, there's nothing more difficult than understanding and expressing lyrics someone else wrote." That helped me stop being so impatient about it. But in the last one or two years I thought, "If I write the lyrics myself, I can probably put even more emotions into them," and "It might be good if I put my own experiences into words" and started writing a bit. But I'm still a bit too ashamed. It feels like someone's reading your diary. Since I write everything exactly the way I feel about it, I can't word it beautifully. (lol) But when I'm satisfied with them, I think it'd be nice if I can release a song with self-written lyrics in the near future.